On SEO, Existential Dread, and What Your Clients Are Actually Googling
You check your site traffic.
Three months post-launch and your big number's twelve visitors. That's not a trend. It's a casting call for a mystery dinner where half the guests are cardboard cutouts and the main course is existential dread.
You double-check your analytics. Eleven. A turnout so humble, if you tried to organize a team sport, you'd have to recruit the neighbor's cat just to keep the lights on. (And that twelfth click? Still you, toggling between "does incognito actually work" and "maybe if I click faster it'll count twice."). No shade. I’ve been there.
Take a stroll through most wellness websites and it’s like falling into a TED Talk hosted by your third-eye chakra: Shadow integration? Check. Quantum alignment? Done. Transformative somatic embodiment glows like a lava lamp somewhere between the opt-in and the About page. If you’re hoping to lay a cleverly devised trap to catch as many wellness seekers as possible, you’ve nailed it.
It's also out there on a solo road trip, somewhere between Page 12 and whatever Google calls its version of witness protection. (Maybe it gets postcards from page 1, but no one's ever seen them.)
The website's basically building a silent film career, auditioning for a spin-off called “CSI: Abandoned Carts.” Your course modules aren’t just collecting dust; they're filing paperwork to become protected historical artifacts. The membership? Quieter than guided meditation on mute.
It’s easy to blame whatever algorithm created this situation like we’re in a game of Clue (“it was Google, in the back room of the internet, with the discovered-not currently indexed issue”). Because clearly, Google's in the back room cackling over your blog posts, hiding your hard-won wisdom like it's the last stapler in the office.
But it isn’t the algorithm. And mercury can sit this one out. Often, it’s this: you’re writing with words meant mainly for other insiders. You’re speaking at the poetry slam of wellness vocab, but your actual audience is typing, “why does my brain buzz at night” and “is it normal to be exhausted by Tuesday.” Different planets.
If you want your website to be less monastery, more gathering place, you’ll need to get familiar with how people are searching for what you’re offering. Clinical terms are impressive, but you can’t cash those in for organic traffic.
The Curse
There’s a gulf (think Grand Canyon, but with more jargon) between how coaches describe their work and how regular people ask for help. When you’ve spent years in functional medicine, every conversation becomes a chance to flex your mastery of mitochondria and methylation. The result? Your headlines are loaded with terms that soothe LinkedIn, not Google.
Meanwhile, someone’s firing up Chrome at 2:07 a.m., asking the search bar why their arm tingles after oat milk or whether existential hair loss is normal by 37. Those people aren’t looking for “polyvagal theory.” They want plain English and the comfort of not being alone in their weird symptoms.
Optimizing for “certified anything” or “trauma-informed everything” draws in colleagues and industry experts. For everyone else, the jargon acts as static. What you’re really doing is running a night school for other coaches who already know the secret handshake.
So, start with the messy, awkward, regular questions. Save the shop talk for your next networking event.
Search Intent and the Late-Night Google Session
It's midnight. A phone screen glows. Someone is searching, “why can’t I sleep after eating broccoli” or “is forgetting where I parked every day…bad?”
People come to Google for connection, validation, a little clarity. They don’t type “certified integrative nutritionist.” They type “why does spinach make me tired” or “how to stop a sugar crash.”
This is search intent. It’s symptom-first, feelings-first language.
Trying to rank for “holistic health coach” is like trying to have a quiet conversation at a crowded intersection. It's overrun with certification programs and everyone selling inspiration by the liter.
Answering “why am I always exhausted even after a full night’s sleep” is a direct line to someone who needs help. There’s less competition, more clarity, and a real problem to solve. You get to skip the tango of over-explaining your modality and instead just say, “Here’s what’s happening, and here’s what to try.”
The post that gets read is the one that doesn’t require a dictionary.
Transformation always starts with recognition. Once you meet people where they are, you earn their attention. Then you can unpack your method.
Just meet people in their mess. Plain language isn’t basic. It’s discoverable.
Three Free Ways to Find Your Clients’ Actual Words
Before you invest in SEO wizards or software dashboards, use these three simple, free methods to tap into what your audience really types into Google:
1. Reddit and Facebook Groups
Social spaces like Reddit or Facebook groups are where people let their guard down. Lurk in support groups related to your speciality (hormone health, gut issues, anxiety, etc.) and watch for posts beginning with “Does anyone else…” or “I am so frustrated by…”
Don’t correct or advise; just collect the phrases. “I hit a wall at 3 PM and caffeine just makes it worse.” That’s a blog post title. “Can’t string two thoughts together before lunch.” That’s relatable copy for your next launch. A Google doc full of these phrases can be an SEO goldmine.
Let the vocabulary of these groups guide your headlines and blog themes. Write down the actual problems, not your solution.
2. Google Autosuggest
Google’s autocomplete is an open book for market research. Open an incognito window and type in the first half of a question you commonly hear (or saw pop up in those Reddit and Facebook groups). “Why does my stomach…” and see what Google fills in. Scroll down to “People Also Ask” and click around for even more common anxieties.
These ready-made questions are direct invitations to address your ideal client’s frustrations (and introduce the idea of your solution). Add them to your Google doc. Turn the patterns into your next few pieces of content. These are always keyword gold.
3. Audit Your Own Intake Forms
If you work with individuals already, the best source of potential content is what people write when they first reach out or what they say in early consult emails. Look for patterns. Are multiple people saying “wired but tired”? Is everyone worried about “brain fog” or “crashing at 3pm”?
Take these words directly from your notes and make them topics, email subject lines, and Instagram captions. Let people see themselves on your site before you ever mention your product or credentials.
The Power of Speaking Their Language
If you want your website to lead to more requests for your services or enrollments in your course, let it speak the same language that shows up in private group threads and intake forms. Swap “my proven framework” for “here’s why you wake up every night at 3am.” Utility ahead of spectacle.
This doesn’t just drive SEO results. It builds trust. It gives the person on the other side of the screen a sense that you see their actual issue, not just your ability to make a sale.
You don't have to outrank the entire internet. You just have to be the answer to the right question.
Ready to find out what your clients are actually searching for? Book an intro call.
P.S. If you’ve ever titled a blog post something like “Metabolic Synthesis Optimization Strategies” and then immediately needed to go lie down, you’re in the right place. I see you, and I’m here for you 🩵
